


How to Treat a Tentacle Monster

by MiriamKenneath



Category: Original Work
Genre: First Meetings, Fluff and Humor, Other, Pre-Relationship, Tentacle Monsters, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22562890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamKenneath/pseuds/MiriamKenneath
Summary: ‘I just…I look at where other tentacle monsters are at this stage of their life and, you know? I worry that I’m falling short.’
Relationships: Tentacle Monster with Impostor Syndrome/Therapist
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	How to Treat a Tentacle Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silveradept](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silveradept/gifts).



‘I just…I look at where other tentacle monsters are at this stage of their life and, you know? I worry that I’m falling short.’

‘Mmm. I see.’ Dr Joyce adjusts his glasses and takes in the view of the tentacle creature on his therapist’s couch. (He does not use the term ‘monster’. Although the word has been reclaimed as a proud marker of self-identification in certain subcultural contexts, in many others it is still considered grossly derogatory, even defamatory.) He sees a creature in their prime, healthy and professionally successful. Many other creatures of any number of species would envy their position.

‘I know I’m being silly. It’s just, well, I thought these feelings would go away after the twelfth movie came out. The climatic final instalment of a twenty-four-year epic film franchise! But as soon as the premiere was finished the bad feelings were back. I don’t know how to stop them.’

‘I thought you were excellent. A true tour de force performance.’ Dr Joyce has already seen the movie in question five times in the theatre. And that’s just this week. He decides not to mention that. Tentacles always give him a delightful tingle in his privates. He definitely isn’t going to mention that either – he’s a professional after all! He makes a note in his notepad to conceal his reaction.

‘I look at someone like Tom and I think, “He’s got a squeeze hanging on his every tentacle. Why can’t I have that? Why can’t I even have _one_ like that?”’

Dr Joyce raises his brows. He’s so surprised by this revelation he doesn’t bother noting it down. ‘Are you unattached at the moment?’

‘I’m afraid of what they’ll think!’ _That means yes._ ‘Like, will they wonder why don’t I have as many tentacles as Tom? I have the number I was born with, but what if that’s not enough? What if I get it wrong? What if they _judge_?!’

‘Ah, well.’ Dr Joyce can feel his cheeks heating. ‘It’s not how many you have, is it? It’s how you use them.’

‘I’ve never…er, if I’m honest, I’ve never used them for that. I’m, er, I’m not sure how.’

Dr Joyce puts his notepad aside and rises to his feet abruptly. ‘I’m concluding this preliminary diagnostic session now,’ he announces. ‘I’m afraid I cannot treat you.’

‘B-but – ’

‘I will ask my secretary to give you the contact details of other professionals who should be better suited to your ongoing therapeutic needs.’

‘But why won’t you be my therapist?! You’re supposed to be the best! Am I really that hopeless a case?!?!’

‘Not at all. In fact, if I had to say, I’d say your long-term prognosis is good. Unfortunately, I have a conflict of interest.’ Here Dr Joyce pauses to remove his eyeglasses. They’d be a pain to replace and he doesn’t want them to get damaged in case things get a bit out of hand. ‘It would be unethical for a therapist to initiate sexual relations with a patient – and that is what I wish to do. Initiate sexual relations. Let me show you how to use the tentacles you have, Nigel. Would you like that?’

Nigel squirms. There’s nothing more adorable in all the known galaxy than watching a tentacle creature squirm. ‘I – I’d like that.’

‘Excellent. My last session is scheduled to conclude at six. Would you be interested in dinner at half past six? Or, if you would rather, we could get an earlier start. Say, right now? We have,’ Dr Joyce checks the wall clock, trying and failing to conceal his eagerness, ‘twenty-five minutes remaining.’


End file.
